Hurt People, Hurt People: The Transfer of Trauma

H

womansavingman

“There have been so many times
I have seen a man wanting to weep
but
instead
beat his heart until it was unconscious.”

― Nayyirah Waheed

I’ve always wondered how many men seek healers disguised as female friends, relatives or lovers? I’ve lost track of how many men I’ve come across that have openly stated that they don’t know how to deal with their emotions or that they’re “just not emotional.” Yet, they’ll express their tribulations and confide in a woman in hopes that she can channel their emotions properly and aid them in finding solace and a solution. I have a few male friends, all of whom I absolutely adore, who call me for counseling sessions from time to time. I asked one, who I had just started building a new friendship with at the time, if he shared these intimate stories with the guy friends he hangs out with every day. He told me no, that his group doesn’t talk about anything emotional because that’s “gay” and he needs to uphold the image of his masculinity.

It saddens me how many men feel in the closet. I wanted to ask my friend: Did you ever learn about emotions? Or, did you have to unlearn? Is it my job to (re)teach you in the shadows? How many women have you reached out to? How many did you touch and unintentionally cut on the sharp edges of your brokenness?

 

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