Self-Titled

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“My existence is not about how desirable you find me.

It’s not my responsibility,

I’m not alive for that purpose.”

-Warsan Shire

For some, vulnerability is equivalent to loading a barrel;

To me, it’s a sure shot way of emptying the clip.

I had someone reach out to me and try to police my transparency, muzzle my truth.

She was protective of how others would perceive me. She was worried my posts may scare off employers, friends, even lovers. She said I sounded “needy,” when I should be conveying how I’m independent and strong.

I told her, truth is, I’m both!

Only in the dictionary, are these two characteristics antonyms.

Sometimes I’m kind, sometimes I’m cruel

Sometimes I’m smothered, sometimes I’m lonely

Sometimes I’m attentive, sometimes I’m in a trance

Sometimes I’m fluid, sometimes I’m rigid

Sometimes I’m health conscious, sometimes I eat two servings of sweets

Sometimes I listen, sometimes I talk too damn much

Sometimes I give up my seat, sometimes I take up two

Sometimes I order just water, sometimes I order rounds of double shots

Sometimes I put my phone on loud, sometimes I leave it on Do Not Disturb

Sometimes I crack the whip, sometimes I want to be tamed

Sometimes I carry an umbrella, sometimes I taste the rain

Sometimes I’m the smartest in the room, sometimes I have the most to learn

Sometimes I wear heels, sometimes I wear sweats

Sometimes I overextend, sometimes I don’t even show up

Sometimes I’m ambitious, sometimes I can’t get out of bed

Sometimes I’m pioneering, sometimes I’m a sheep

Sometimes I laugh out of joy, sometimes I laugh to keep from crying

Sometimes I want a lover,

Sometimes,

I just want….

Me.

We celebrate art for its various textures and hues,

We awe at the chameleon that changes form,

We bask in the onion that nourishes us with all its layers.

My identity will not be reduced to one-dimensional.

The birds sing when the Sun kisses the Earth’s shadows,

Why should I be any less?

 

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rahwasthoughts

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